You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
