i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
