his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
