do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
