have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
