This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
