I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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