just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
