3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
