Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
