There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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