Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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