I wish I only lived at night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
