is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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