You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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