hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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