FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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