I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
