i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
