Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
