Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
