I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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