Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
