Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
