umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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