I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
