her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
