Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
