The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
