Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
