Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the condom got lost in my hair
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
