just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
