you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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