I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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