In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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