weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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