Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
