He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
