I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
