Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
