The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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