I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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