I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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