you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
