Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
