After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
