I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
