you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
