Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
