exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
