I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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